Je veux seulement oublier et puis je fume

2011-03-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

where will the world find another, who

. mad shuffles to trance music swinging laser lights

. wears a hoodie n calls it his hunter suit

. thinks its ok to wear shiny bling watches w shinier blinger brooches

. wants to cover his car in hello kitty stickers

. tries to get away w everything w a cheeky smile and sneaky wink

. claims his phone is better than urs cause the camera is better

. tries to be everyone's wingman

. orders a whole bottle of apple shooter when u ask for a shot

. responds to a cockroach by grabbing my hang and run

. has a penchant for fire extinguishers

. always stand up for a friend

. always a phone call away

. always there with good advice

where will i find another, who thinks im incessantly annoying

but still tells me at the end of the day

"i can't live with you, but i can't live without you"

but the premise of living is now broken, and its not fair. to the whole damn world that bloody loves you.

and if you were here,

you would say "so how? GG lo"

2010-11-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

caught this while browsing a mini book sale during my work break. i realize that it's the way that some poems end that really gets me hooked. like a third act twist. and a lingering touch

She is all there.

She was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favorite aggies.

She has always been there, my darling.
She is, in fact, exquisite.
Fireworks in the dull middle of February
and as real as a cast-iron pot.

Let's face it, I have been momentary.
vA luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.

She is more than that. She is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
This is not an experiment. She is all harmony.
She sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,

has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by Michelangelo,

done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
If you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.

She has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person,
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.

I give you back your heart.
I give you permission --

for the fuse inside her, throbbing
angrily in the dirt, for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound --
for the burying of her small red wound alive --

for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stocking,
for the garter belt, for the call --

the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.

She is so naked and singular
She is the sum of yourself and your dream.
Climb her like a monument, step after step.
She is solid.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.

-anne sexton for my lover returning to his wife

I want to know/ if you can be alone/ with yourself/ and if you truly like/ the company you keep/ in the empty moments.

2010-11-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

what we choose to remember .sentosa halloween .butter halloween. haagen dazs .greenwood fishmarket ala seafood coma .ikoi's awesome sushi cake complinents of chef daniel. osvaldos. prive with my lovelies .hangover at tanjong beach club

.and much loves.

fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me.

bluemoonyousawmestandingalone

2010-10-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

it takes guts and some amout of self reflection to know that you are unhappy. the true true blues that you feel gnawing away at the core of your bones. but here, you are not all weepy and outright upset. it seldom is so. you can still have a good time, enjoy the simple things in life, laugh in a movie.. yet deep down, you know. you are not where you want to be in life. the world has let you down. you have let you down. and love, well love is further away than you last pictured it. and everything is a meaningless station you've reached or done, just because you are following everyone else on the same train.

2010-09-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

but what do you say to taking chances?
what do you say to jumping off the edge
never knowing if there's solid ground below
or hand to hold
or hell to pay

*

i think God is taking my sleep away so tt i'd wake up my idea.

to a friend who has grown weary and fearful of failure

2010-08-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

fat skinny girl

2010-08-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

today my sister and i went down to TruFitness cause they called me for a two week free promo. it must be all that intense machines/crazy fitass ppl running/thumping music/OR the fact that the trainer called me skinny but FLABBY.... buuuttttt we signed up for a one year membership in the end LOL

in our defence there was a national day promo! at like almost a quarter of the original price!! how not to buy.. PLUS free use of the swimming pool and all the yoga/kickboxing classes :D wld lovee to try some intense hot yoga.

despite all that fitass goodness, the real reason why we signed was because of

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

hot showers
zzzz

like seriously.
the water heater in my hse overheated/exploded one day and has been spoilt ever since. my mum REFUSES to fix it and now my siblings and i dread showering at all. if we are lucky, the weather is hot and the icey cold water becomes more tolerable. i think our water bills has prob reduced by half since then, which cld explain why she don't want to fix it. so yes. i am not gg to shower at home anymore, gonna gym everyday whooot

oh ya i had to throw in some names and numbers for them to do telemarketing so if TruFitness calls you, just know that you are impt enuff for me to memorize ur number offhand. don't hate me! <3

hot shower in KL hotel, my personal highlight of the trip. this is so sad i tell you loll

i'll never be the same/if we ever meet again

2010-08-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

Quick update.
Went to KL over the weekend and had like a super foodie marathon. we literally ate at every 2- 3 hrs interval and slept in between haha.. now that i am back, i get gastric whenever i skip a meal zzz my stomach wants to be pampered again. how to diet!!! but IT WAS WORTH IT ANYWAY :D

giant potato chips om nom nom nom

this is by far my favorite dish-- chee cheong fun in curry sauce with a whole lot of shrimp paste *DIES*

looking proper before we got falling down drunks at KL zouk, den mega supper at chinatown!!

queuing for breakfast at this apparently kickass kopitiam with most awesome french toast and tomato chicken chop. personally i like the french toast cause they come with the sweetest home made kaya (asian twist much) but not so much the chicken chop, which was pretty tasteless to me.

high tea. a dose of atas-ness goes a long long way :D

emo face cause we is gg home soons :(

i only regret not getting to eat roti prata chennai special. it is this roti prata thing crushed with soft boiled eggs and nasi lemak chilli. apparently it rocks the roti prata world hahaha..

other than that, i have been busy on my merchandising course and waiting to start my FINAL FINAL FINAL sem in NUS. omg please lemme graduate already zzz.

and i caught inception. love it

and i designed a collection for banana republic today. the trainer loved it.

and i may decide to work night shift at sole2sole when NUS starts, just to earn some extra allowance. feels bad for taking so damn bloody long to graduate. im like using college funds for two loll. plus sole2sole is a nice chill boutique, i can wear my own clothes and there's not much walk in customers since the shoes there cost like $700 each at least. so it's good. i loves haha.

xoxo

2010-07-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

the nights are always the hardest to pass. needs to invest in some melatonin.

hello bs.

2010-07-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

My true love has my heart and I have hers.
My heart in me keeps her and me in one.
My heart in her, her thoughts and senses guide.
She loves my heart for once it was her own.
I cherish hers because in me it bides.
My true love has my heart and I have hers

Robert Dudley, Elizabeth

the more we change, the more we stay the same

2010-06-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

it's been about a mth since my exams ended and i have successfully bummed a whole 31 days without working or studying whoot. i have also

1) jet ski for the first time

2) successfully parallel park for the first time too!

3) read a bunch of books that are not "readings"

4) stand corrected when i say that books should not be adapted into films/shows. cause the gossip girl novel sucks. "he drank too much coffee and his hands were vibrating" really.

5) rediscovered my love for bread

6) beginning to detest proper meals. every meal shld be like breakfast. heaven shld have brunch brinner and supfast only

7) realized tt some ppl are really petty. social land mines tt explode behind ur back when u least expect it

8) lost my wallet once and atm card twice zzz

9) received ZERO traffic fines for this mth. new record!

10) missed my fren who has gone overseas for exchange. but learnt how to use skype loll

11) re-decided that jeans are my fashion nemesis. shld stick to wearing dresses and skirts for the rest of my life

12) made channel surfing my daily and only exercise :D

13) been going to butter a little too often for my liking.

14) playing too much computer games. hello battlefield, l4d and cs.

alas all good things must come to an end. results have been released and turns out tt i wun be graduating this round. but ill leave tt to another time.

scratch that previous post...

2010-05-03T13:31:00.001-07:00

cause am going to phuket!! gonna need all the money i can get for the trip plus some new bikinis :D going w seb (and friends) and like super super psyched to get outta the country w him hee..

sentosa...

Meet Helga. our fren's dog. she is a M O N S T E R. when she stands up she is probably as tall as me. i always fear that she'll bite my hand off by accident and think she is still playing with me haha

love this picture. boy and his dog.

nv understood why ppl want to take their wedding pictures at the beach. ya its romantic, windy and sunset-y blah and oh look you have sand on your many thousand dollar wedding gown.

i am truly glad for many things right now, i actually prayed while driving on the road. not the best idea since it was a rather loong prayer and God probably wanted me to give either full attention to him or the road. anyway i was surprised at myself but it felt needed. sometimes we shld just stop looking at things we want, the spaces that still need filling, the stuff that need improving.. and just take a moment to appreciate and be happy.

cause darrling these moments may come far and between, and ppl tend to let their expectations get the better of themselves. so if u got it even for that split second, kiss that person you love and know you are exactly where you want to be right now. ok end ramble-

OH and my last paper is in four hours time :D:D:D

do you like mondays?

2010-04-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

ever come to a point when u realize that ur wearing the same thing over and over again. that's me. am so sick of my current wardrobe already. tho i used to not pay much attention to my dressing (as many can vouch for), recent commitments have motivated me to clothe more appropriately and im beginning to relish the kick of looking a little different everyday. now at the risk of sounding like a hopeless cliche on a fashion magazine write in, i don't feel completely satisfied anymore when i pick out an outfit to wear. i don't just want something that is flattering or presentable, i want something that is me. even if its at the expense of looking odd and out of place. ok that sounded really superficial, but isn't ur clothes suppose to be an expression (and perhaps an extension?) of who you are?

sooooo when i get my next pay, im gg to devote it to these babies...

www.idontlikemondays.us

...and go broke, heck see if i care. this site has everything i dream of wearing. slouchy, clean cuts, simple designs with the occasional peek-a-boo slit somewhere, predominately blacck and earthy tones. whats not to loveeeee* plus check out the fantastic site name man.

so sad but true

2010-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

justherecarg took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

""Takes on too much and is easily overwhelmed, but ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

the thing about quizzes, they are something like horoscope. u read what you want to see and so you fit the facts into theories to make them true. but this.. well this came at a right time, to pour some introspective light into my life. it's time to search for my soul again...

"...Unfulfilled hopes have left her feeling uncertain and even a little fearful about the future..."

"...takes on too much and is easily overwhelmed..."

"Has been disappointed and let down, believes it is pointless to come up with new goals as they will most likely disappoint as well.."

cos damnn.. i sound like some chicken shit loll

epitome of passion

2010-04-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

I will be a red head someday

to have balls of flame bursting wildly from the top of my head. awesome shhiiittt

2010-04-19T10:55:00.000-07:00

I design clothes because I don't want women to look all innocent and naive, because I know what can happen to them. I want women to look stronger...I want people to be afraid of the women I dress."

—Alexander McQueen

moral of the story

2010-04-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

we will choose to be happy with superficial things.
money is our ecstasy, partying will soothe the soul and and meaning comes from new exciting friends. Still water runs deep but we will only care about skimming the surface in some fancy yacht. come on out, plan your outfit, no one wants to be seen with the ugly. I will choose to be happy with superficial things because no one wants to be with an emo brat. Feelings and problems come and go so please, don't go round troubling anyone with it.

can u smell my boredom cooking

2010-03-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

there's nothing to do at work now so... i joined twitter!!!

follow me follow FOLLOW ME NEEOOWWWW

i was stupidly searching for the homepage under "tweeter" and ended up with some rnb singer and "superior sound system..." zzz took me awhile to realize that it was the short twit, not tweeeeettttt loll

u can look for me under the nickname 'justherecarg' :D

sidenote: yesterday seb's friend asked me if i was a little goth. cue everyone in thecar NOO?!? in unison hahahah poor girl had a hard time explaining after why she thought i might be a little goth. we settled for: "you are a little quirky... not normal... not girly..." sigh sums of what little personal style i have

twinkle twinkle little star

2010-03-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

say hello to twinkleee, seb's dog. she's like one of the most spoilt dogs i have ever seen. she needs to be fed during her meals, like literally coaxed by putting bits of the dog food in your hand and brought to her face. also, she needs to be accompanied to the toilet. like she makes some funny sound or smell (haha) and you know you have to bring her to pee/poo. or else she would just hold it in for goodness how long. plus plus plus she needs to be coaxed to pee as well loll!

i was pretty amazed when i realized all these. like i found myself asking "why can't twinkle go pee herself" i mean how spoilt can you get!??! she has THE LIFE i tell you. blessed little thing. i guess.

...

after leaving this post alone for ten minutes and reading back, i guess i sound a little envious.. of twinkle. tho i would like to left alone when peeing thank you. but i am pretty tired this week. working and studying but not getting much done. and i left my makeup pouch in the office today which means i have nothing to cover my bloody eyebags tmr till i reach office argh :( :( :(

oh and my boobs are shrinking + stomach expanding. and i just received two more erp fines.

this can only mean TGIF PLEASSEEEEE cause am gg to the national museum on friday to check out the ancient Egypt exhibition. pretty psyched and something different to end the week at least wheee

rant to keep the doctors away

2010-03-11T13:00:00.000-08:00

i just finished studying for my test tmr and completed my damn essay due tmr too :D
sense of accomplishment definitely palpable in the air now haha

am addicted to the tango song from scent of a woman: por una cabeza. someone come learn tango with me pretty preeseee. i promise not to step on ur toe

i am proud to have our very own homegrown scandal: jackneo and random un-model looking models. finally some real juice in the tabloids HAHA.. i thought at first that it was a "fake" affair, like a publicity stunt for his new movie. but when the second and third person started popping up, i trust raintree to be not thaatt creative.

ok i sound completely evil. i do feel sad for the wife and MAN ARE GREEDY EVIL PEOPLE but still, something to spice up my otherwise boringgg work life man.. cue intense googling during lunch hours. and no, jack neo is not the singapore tiger woods thank you very much

i have been accumulating parking fines like rain in a reservoir. omggg.. am definitely feeling the pinch now :(
need to be less lazy and bother check for parking rates and put coupons zzz

TGIF tmr for many reasons <3

easier said than done

2010-03-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

saw this on the wall of a construction site at holland v. each word was printed on a singular a4 paper and stuck together with scotch tape like a giant piece of ransom note. maybe it was the bias qn of whether the construction workers had the capacity to do something like that. but i couldn't take my eyes off it.

2010-02-16T18:15:00.000-08:00

I HAVE BEEN CONNED BY MY DAD TO COME TO WORK TODAY WHEN THERE IS NO ONE HERE AT ALL!!! EVEN MY DAD IS STILL AT HOME SLEEPING TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD

do you know what's worth fighting for?

2010-02-04T10:32:00.000-08:00

say hello to my to-do list for yesterday today and tmr. nothing checked and things just keep filling up. am. so. tired. been having nightmares. i think things are not gg so well internally. really trying to amp up my mood. eating plenty of chocolatey stuff. attempted to dye my hair orange. and now trying to blog it off. i hope i can i look back on this entry and think how completely ridiculous and weak i am thank you very much. now i shall go try to finish up one item on the list and hopefully get some sleep in peace. good. night.

i scream everyday

2010-01-28T05:05:00.000-08:00

i have rushing between work and school for the past two days like a mad mad woman.. NUS is insanely far and the only comfort is that all three locations, including my hse, are on the same mrt line..

so i was on my way home from work today when i decided to treat myself a cup of the "roadside ice cream". you know the one you always eat when ur young. with the old uncle that sells it on a push cart who looks the same all the time, no matter where you buy from lol. this old dude was nice, he let me have the $1 serving for 80cents :D

awesome old school ice cream with 6 different flavors for less than a dollar.

i dunno about you, but i always tell myself that ice cream is not fattening. cos it has this deceiving sense of lightness unlike chips and chocolate, so like no matter how much you eat, it'll just melt away in your stomach like erm... ice.

2010-01-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

grace + coffee = working girl on edge

attended a howtouseillustrator-forfashiondeisgn course. check out my absolutely ah lian collection haha.. my personal favourite- purple animal print with black and white fur details, best paired with the unbeatable orange and green printed pants beside it LOL LOL LOL..

so on a sorta related note, i need more clothes that can transit from work to school.. so tough since i am so used to the thiscouldbewhatiworetosleep-casual wear zzz.

a little note for 2009

2010-01-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

achievement of the year: driver's license

'09 crossed over to '10 in a seamless blur. the last two weeks saw an escalation of drama that seemed to erupt in a bid to clear its one year quota of emotional turmoil. my two best guy friends fought over the most ridiculous and petty confrontation with jeremiah. which ended with one of them in tears(!), the other in stubborn silence and we-can-all-guess-who in self righteous anger.

seb and i fought the week before christmas. made up. broke up on christmas. made up. clung onto each other through the new year with solicited promises over unspoken wounds.

now i start work tomorrow for my dad and all the excitement about learning the business has dissipated. just so so tired.. din have time to meet any of my friends who came back from overseas cause i was so caught up in everything. I am so sorry to everyone, I really will try.

seb gave me an iphone instead of a BB. which i thought i wanted more. but i guess sometimes you don't know what you really want until you get the lesser option. still, it is pretty and was my first love. he gave it to me, what more can i ask for :)

oh actually there is..

this came in during christmas <3
2010 motto- who but yourself can be your best lover (does this even make sense!?)

and who better to spend countdown with but family! haha

you know you love my hair :P happy new year everyone. i miss all my beanies and siok and julyn and everyone else whom i have painfully neglected. DUN FORGET ME YET PLEASE

2009-11-26T23:36:00.000-08:00

should i get an iphone (again) or blackberrryyyy??????

expensive way to de- stress loll help

2009-11-17T00:57:00.001-08:00

im suppose to quote a particular conversation from a certain random phonebatterydeaddrivetochangivillage night haha but i have forgotten what it is. so here is something else that i remember in tribute to my "zen-ness"

"as long as you make me happy, i don't see why i have to make an issue out of every other small matter."

RINGTONE PLEASE, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

i have been crazy over this new scent that i received for my bday. i bring it everywhere with me and spray it abundantly in my car, just so i can constantly smell myself smelling like that. recommend it to anyone for the sweet and woody but not too womanly scent <3

and have been feeling much love lately from my buddies. i know i abandoned them when i was attached, which they will nv let me forget. but still they are making sure that i eat properly now and well filled with alcohol at all times. at least i know i wun cry alone, there will always be someone ready to rub it in my face LOL

in any case, seb and i are kinda in a limbo now and it is driving me NUTS. it tires me just thinking about it so i shall just leave it as that.

2009-10-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

today we returned our stuff to each other. i kept quiet when he tells me how much he loves me and how good we were together. he asked me if i was angry. i am not, i just do not want to add to the ridiculousness of the whole situation. two people who say they love each other but cannot be together. this is not a bloody drama serial.

it's supposed to be simple. even now, a part of me cannot comprehend. since we want to be together, why can't we just simply be so? what could be more difficult than the pain we feel now..

2009-10-06T08:23:00.002-07:00

(SECOND) driving test this thursday

WISH ME LUCK BITCHES

2009-09-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

listening to shall we talk- eason chan

there's a comfort in listening to a song in a language you don't understand. you listen more to the music and wonder what could the lyrics mean. and suddenly the song means so much more than mere words in a tune. it's a feeling you immerse into like a hot bubble bath. replay about a hundred times and it could mean a hundred different memories each time. so far this has moved me into a little cheery dance in the morning and some unexplainable tears at night..

2009-09-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

last night i squeezed my bottle of facial wash and a dozen bubbles flew out. and that made me happy

2009-09-14T05:07:00.001-07:00

just the other day during lesson, i almost knock this cyclist while making a U turn! and its total bullshit that you don't feel the speed when driving as opposed to being a passenger. 40 km/h already feels like im skidding off the road! Zzz

i am the reason why they say women are lousy drivers. as much as i would like to believe that given enough practice, i'd eventually be a babe on wheels, it's turning out more to be like *b*TCH get your ass off the road*

some things really take a certain amount of aptitude and i console myself by saying that i am more fated to be the chauffeured than anything else.

anyway on to a safer sport.. wakeboarding anyone? :D

2009-08-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

From Adrian Tan's speech at NTU convocation 2008. i love the entire speech but right now, this is the passage to quote.

"Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It is far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work..."

these days i am glad that i did not jumped into a decision to break up at that point of time. for this, i will take the risk of getting my heart broken and it will be all worth it.

i love this picture. i love how he was looking at me and how i look like im holding a roll of toilet paper.

2009-08-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

1. my laptop almost broke my back today

2. my sister's retard-ness leaves me speechless. sms-ing at 10.30am to remind me to wake up for work which starts at 11am

3. i have a receding hair line

4. been eating way way wayyy too much. i feel like exploding everynight. like now

5. all the philo modules are BORING this sem

6. nv ever trust mirrors in changing rooms. the whole world drops a size in them

7. everyone pray for my new phone. please last till the end of year

8. I have attended every single class since school started thank you very much

9. I like pretending to be grouchy in the morning and be cheered up <3

10. Resolves to reconcile the love for cuddling and the risk of suffocating to death

11. Wants to go uniqlo soon

12. Wants to read The Hitchhiker guide to the galaxy

13. Sorry jolene but i have given up on time traveler's wife. it irritates me to no end

14. alternatively, the movie is coming out! haha

15. Second practical driving test in october!! :D MUST PASS. MUST BE LEGAL ROAD HAZARD BY 22ND BDAY

2009-08-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

BIG MAJOR PIMPLE OUTBREAK ARGH KILL MEEEEEEE

2009-07-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

thanks to jolene i have recently been hooked on Boston Legal. the chemistry between denny and allan simply cracks me up! a really witty, fun and intelligent show, with pink flamingo suits to top ;)

the bf and i have been dealing w some issues lately, these issues arose from the fact that well, we are two people with too many friends of the opposite sex and also get bored easily. you do the math. while these issues are still being worked on, his conviction to get married in 3 years' time (be it with me or not) moved me to think things on a long term basis as well.

i would never know if he is the one i would marry, though at this pt the odds look rather slim, but looking things on a larger scale made me more willingly... forsake some of my more wilful attitudes.

i dunno.. it's a strange thought. sometimes i feel like i am giving my personality up, yet sometimes its feel like such a natural next step to be a better person. were we all so bad to begin with to require so much change in (semi) adult life?

or did i just start late

haha..

PS
I have come to loathe all my cryptic entries and now aim to write as truthfully and unabashedly as possible. unless attempting some dangerous poetic endeavor or typing the influence of alcohol

2009-06-26T09:25:00.001-07:00

met up with the girls the other day to enjoy good home cooked food, wine and great conversation. once again kexian never failed to impress me with her uncanny likeness to miranda frm SATC.

talking to the girls always allow me to view my life in a different perspective. i feel relatively calmer after each session, it's almost like therapy! though i still cannot make sense of many things, i feel like i probably can.. in the future. or given time, it might not matter so much anymore.

so it will be any sleepless night. my dreams have been haunting me. i see all my fears and desires every night projected and manified a thousand folds out of my subconscious. its grotesque yet oh so close to the heart. can't stop thinking. not tired enough.

2009-06-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

a friend told me the other day that amongst our clique, they speculated a 60% chance of my bf and i working out. the extra 10% from an otherwise downthemiddle either-or probability is because both of us are "similar types of people who are in love with the idea of being in love". i guess if it had gone any other way, i would have been bored. sometimes its just that thrilling sensation when u possess something you know you cannot really own. with him, the future is unknown. all i can see is just today. today. tomorrow. And maybe next week. that's why i cannot fall asleep in his arms, knowing we are still playing games. so i roll over to the colder side of the bed where i came from.

2009-05-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

having stopped working for awhile, i find myself constantly strapped for cash. need to find some way earn some quick bucks. my friend suggested selling 4d for singapore pools which apparently pays pretty well. another week of destitution and i might just seriously consider it zzz

oh and just the other night, i was walking along clarke quay when my left heel broke! i instantly applied what i've learnt from all the nights of watching trashy celebrity red carpet emergency shows haha: walk on nonchalantly AND kick the evidence far far away. HAHA.. i went to a corner and broke my other heel, which wasn't v hard. freaking cheapo lousy shoe. i have since compensated myself with nice new pumps frm charles and keith :D :D :D and now refer to top again for financial situation :(

last random update! the bf has been moody over bad exam results. before that, i have already ordered something online to surprise him. now it is not shipping here fast enuff!!!! TWO WEEKS to reach singapore. i am gg to die of anticipation even before it arrives man. just hurry up already damnit.

2009-04-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

*typing under the influence of alcohol now. i know i truly miss him. if not for the sweet nothings that we promise, but for the moments where i can count on a warm shoulder to lie on now.

2009-04-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

i have always told people that we are ultimately lone individuals. creatures that comb the earth searching for things to pass each living moment. some of us may be lucky enough find our soul mate (i use this word loosely cause i don't believe one), someone that fits just right into the jigsaw patterns of our heart. but the gap still won't quite fill up. if u look closely enough, you can still see the cranny of emptiness between the adjoint pieces. too much temptations and distractions in the bright lights big city just waiting to weather it down.

everyone is going through a phase.

my mum was in a menopausal-ineedmyhusbandtobewithme24/7 phase. my dad is in a ican'ttakethisanymore-ihavedecidedtomoveoutof thehouseandnevercomeback-ineedtofindmyselfbackidentitycrisis phase. and now she is in a cryeverydayandnoteatorsleepprayingforhimtojustcall phase. and i am in a screwthisexam-justgetthisoveranddonewith-happilyeverafterisjustafuckingphase phase.

yep, we all wish it's just a phase. the boyfriend has been sweet but i m really not buying it now.

:(

2009-04-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

on saturday, i brought the boyfriend to the buffet at the En Japanese dining bar. i knew the food there was great but i was worried that he might not like my recommendation so i pretended that it was my first time there too. you know, so that i can get away with making a lousy choice by claiming that i didn't know.

yes i am a wuss that way.

fortunately but not unexpectedly, the food was excellent and he loved it. we stuffed ourselves half to death and my only regret was not having my digital camera with me to show the monstrous amount that we ate :D

*

i realized that i remember too much pain from past relationships. to have your heart so vulnerable and exposed to harsh words, the cutting silences and those nights spent waiting for that call or msg, slowing suffocating in your own thoughts. it's a dark place that i dare only tread at the edges of but it is enough for me to dread our first quarrel, first whatevers that would make me cry.

i remember too, how a single phone call could perk me up to entire day of uncontrollable smiles and giggles, annoying everyone ard me to no end. but what good came out of that?

just got off the phone with the boyfriend and i felt a smile surfacing. but it passed, tingling at the corners of my lips then sank in as a gentle warmth. like slow melting chocolate.

everyday i let my guard down a litte.

2009-04-02T00:46:00.000-07:00

i lost my phone again!!

DAMN IT

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

f*CK

zzz... my mum is right. i should use the ancient da ge da aka brick phones.

2009-03-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

because im not a girl with deep thoughts. i cannot offer insightful anecdotes or pearls of wisdom well beyond my years. i lack that depth of passion that transforms all that touches it, nor am i wildly interesting with a multitudes of hidden talent to impress. i seldom ever have a personal stand and am content to just sit back and let ppl win, which makes me a lousy candidate for intellectual banters. i learn most things fast but i'm not driven to excel in anything. i do not cook nor sew and no longer play the piano proficiently. that said, i do not regret the person that i am but i fear u may discover it one day too soon. this is, but one of my fears.

but i guess we all don't mind some company in the meantime.

he said, don't fall in love with me. i don't think i have a problem with that. keep a distance but don't stray too far. we ain't see nothing yet.

2009-03-02T11:20:00.000-08:00

guess what the mail man brought today!

brown paper packages tied up in strings. these are a few of my favourite things :D

yes i have been surviving on photocopies for the past 7 weeks of school. finally something solid to hold on to. studying just doesn't feel right when u are not reading from a book.

and i am happy to report that i have been making good use of my study break. slow and grueling but progress is being made. yay

2009-03-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

many ppl asked me why we seem to have distanced after almost 3 years of being inseparable and have met with less than satisfactory answers. even as i type this, i find it hard to put it in words all that have changed. i wouldn't say that it was a betrayal because a betrayal would entail some form of commitment or obligation of sorts that was breached or forsaken.

perhaps that's the problem. but no, there was just disappointment. as a friend, i had prayed that the strength of our bond would tide me through. but it was like a bloody veil that shrouded my sights and everything was tainted. then came long forgotten lies that unraveled with the distance and time. i have probably never felt so much bitterness before in my entire life. i could not speak without sarcasm and look without judging or think without resentment. for months, i think i probably consciously did as much damage to us as he did.

yet i couldn't stop. at the end of the day, all the spiteful words are driven by a bid to make things better. you think if you hurt him as much, it will even the playing field and bring back the balance of before. an eye for an eye and now we are both blind.

it's one of those things that you can't just say im sorry.

so now things are calmer and i miss him quite dearly. we put in our best efforts to amend things while adjusting a comfortable distance to avoid killing one another. i remain one of his fiercest defenders and supporters despite my complaints. i believe there is still something pure somewhere in our friendship that the lies and pain have not taken away. during times when i call, knowing that no one would better understand. i struggle to define it but i just know. its there.

for those who don't understand and to myself when i forget.

2009-02-25T12:34:00.000-08:00

watched the Oscars red carpet with my dad. we spent bonding time bitching about the outfits and updating (me the updater and he the updated) on the big Ws- who's who and who's with who haha

"yes dadd brad pitt is with angelina jolie!"

it was a moment of revelation and slight awkwardness when he first started commenting so openly on some of the more revealing dresses. well who knew the man could be so forward and with such good taste!

we both gave our vote to anne hathaway's dress. to quote in his words, "simple but very sexy, womanly and classy"

it's gorgeous isn't it. looks a little like fish scales in this pic. FABULOUS fish scales :D

and to miley cirus, whose dress he seems to really hate,
"makes her look really.. clumsy. too much, too much!"

my dad is the next simon cowell haha

2009-02-02T05:39:00.000-08:00

i lost my phone on saturday night and practically went nuts. i called my number non stop using my brother's hp auto redial function. what frustrated me the most was the fact that my phone was still not switched off despite being gone for more than 24 hrs. which meant that it was not stolen, just misplaced. but where the hell cld it be!?

in the end my friend found it in his car where i probably dropped it while he was sending us home. omg i love you nick!

75 missed calls!

2009-01-27T11:02:00.000-08:00

electronic devices ard me are dying!!!

my laptop cannot survive 5 mins unplugged from the charger and my digital camera has officially hanged, unable to retract its lenses :((

sch at 8am tmr. omggggg im missing my melb companion

2009-01-23T01:38:00.000-08:00

i remember when i first started blogging, i always used ayumi layouts. it's been awhile but i got super excited when i saw the new ayumi lingerie ad on straits time.

i dun care if the boobs are surgically/digitally enhanced as many have suspected. she looks damn good hahah.. grace = not so closet ayumi fan

on a different note. i am so inspired today. i pray that i have the determination to execute my ideas. as with all great inspirations, they need to be backed by perspiration, sadly. tts why i am still a useless bum now. all talk no shit. i wld hatee myself if i can't do this little bit for myself.

2009-01-12T10:22:00.001-08:00

come, inspiration and motivation! am gg to work hard to improve my life and be a better person!

oh and i have died my hair brown with streaks of light brown. I thought i looked ah lian but my frens said it's nice :) i dun have pictures of it yet but i am now convinced that i look fabulous HAHA

a night at st james, a little while after new year. drunk ppl galore. they decided to take a nap before driving. it was a sight, four dead bodies slumped in the car while i sat by the curb watching curious stares passing by. I waited for a full 45 minutes before calling for rescue. haha.. thank god for frens who do not sleep till dawn :D

2009-01-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

Victoria Beckham's Dress collection ad. can u guess what they are dg hahaha.. i just loveee the girl clinging onto the door. So cuttee!

2008-12-30T06:49:00.001-08:00

Did i disappoint you or let you down?

Shld i be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

Cause i saw the end before we'd begun

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

2008-12-25T11:44:00.000-08:00

i think my greatest achievement in KL 2008 has to be the meal we had at this Japanese restaurant, which pei recommended.

between christina and i, we had --

1) Beef

2) Chicken, which was the same serving size as the beef

3) salmon sashimi

4) ebi sashimi

5) tempura set, consisting of prawns and various veggies

6) GIANT, and i mean colossal sushi rolls

it's almost as big as my face !! unagii on top of double layer of rice with avocado and generous serving of mayo. whoott

contemplating my food

and we polished everything off. i am amazed haha

this damn festive season is making me overspend and overeat. but m happy.
merry christmas everyone :)

2008-12-22T10:39:00.000-08:00

am back from KL! after looking through all the photos, i have decided that something has to be done to my hair. FAST.

addicted to Love Locked Down !

2008-12-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

siok asked me what i have been doing since my papers ended and i drew a blank. i hate that so here is a little blog reference for myself.

1) lost my hp at zouk and bought an iphone :D and taking many pictures w it

2) chilling w the dudes

3) many circles of death at harie's which ends with many dead, drunk ppl sprawled on his flr. himself included haha

4) chilling w sioks :)

5) puking from 12noon to 5pm on saturday. cold sweat and fever. feeling loved with a house call from visiting frens who helped me buy food.
6) Sisters' 19th bday
7) Fren's 27th bday. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! HAPPIE BELATED BDAY AGAIN :D I WILL BUY U TOILET ROLL FOR UR ADDITIONAL JOY STICK
8) highlight! stopped at roadblock and watch my friend get caught for drink driving. who was released shortly. but not after worrying ourselves to death waiting.

hating rebel and not been to zirca yet. but i think it wld be equally bad. and if u are applying for standard chartered credit card, please call me ;)

2008-11-27T04:28:00.000-08:00

my papers are over but that does not mean that i was all work and no play in november :D

first up, nanakin's 21st birthday
i noe she has prob lost my blog add but i love u babe.. one of my longest fren ever from dunman high era. now u is all busy busy (well so am i haha) but im just so glad tt we got to celebrate each other's 21st together :)

the cake was fannnnttastic

damn i love my shoes hahaa..

tongster's bday :D
doing wat she loves best: steamboat and zouk!

one side pork, one side chicken soup. which tasted abt the same haha.. so sad tt we din get tomyam cause no one else at my table seems to eat spicy :(

tag-mania!!!

subsequently, our tags fell off everywhere and ppl at zouk started picking them up and using them too! haha but e bday girl moved onto better things: vandalizing ppl's arms and faces. naturally we took revenge :D

next up, am gg to KL with the girlss.. EXCITING! can't wait to eat hotel breakfast.. loveeee hotel breakfasts. hot steamy porridge, cornflake selections, eggs fried to perfection, fresh salad, crispy toast soaked with butter and ham, fresh orange juice, in some cases, tantilising dim sums.. i wld go on trips just so i get to stay in hotels for this heaven.

drowning in one's drool already.

2008-11-25T03:46:00.000-08:00

bad bad..

HOUSE marathon in the middle of exam week.

BAAADD!

2008-11-19T12:22:00.001-08:00

during sec1 or 2, i bought a book titled Consciousness when i was out with my mum. i dunno what prompted this crazy impulse. mayb it was the zesty blue cover or the very cool deep meaning sounding name. but the book hardly last an hour before ending up in the forgotten black hole of a cupboard because i did not understand a single word it said.

forward 7 years later (god, has it been that long), i was about to begin work on my much belated philosophy essay when i realized that i dun have the readings for it! the question, which was an entire A4 page long, was (in short) about a super scientist who lived in a world of black and white all her life and what she would gain when she first sees colour.

This invoked some long forgotten image in my mind: a black and white room with a blue banana in the middle. i went on a crazed search for where i got this image from and stumbled upon that book! which, coincidentally, had a chapter about the same super scientist blah blah.. WITH the picture of the blue banana to illustrate :D

talk about fate. and irony.
and irrelevant stuff that i am studying right now. super scientists and blue bananas haha..

2008-11-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

isn't this just cute!

anzevino and florence at www.idontlikemondays.us
it's plaid tiered so damn lovable and unaffordable right now. well i wun be able to afford it even if it was just $20 bucks. that's how broke i am right now.

cuteness within visual range and out of my financial range.

2008-11-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

i stayed home every 31Oct but this year i got bored.. so on 31Oct2008, i half- dragged my frens down to a costume shop along arab street and began a rather painful search for a costume amidst what pathetically remained after the early birds have done their ravaging.

we shopped for 4 hours! it's so hard to decide. we were going for the 'wow you look so cool' look without bordering on (too much) silliness and remain unique in what may be repetitive ideas amongst all the party goers.

kids section + grace + bunch of bored misfits = total disaster

luckily they din have nething of my size..

we left the shop and were at zouk in an hour

can you guess who im supposed to be?

brokeback mountain, we're trying to keep the western theme here haha

you know its halloween when there are zombies serving you

and some of the kickass costumes

mr angel

ms pirate

mr bomber man

mr joker a la nurse uniform and ms sexy refereee and mr milk carton!

mr scary jester

mr scream

my personal favourite.. mr HARD GAY from japan

mr starshiptrooper spent S$1700 on his shit! but too bad, the zouk best costume award goes to...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

mr deathnote-deathgod: REM!
this pic does him no justice. he was HUGEEE in real life. very realistic.
he really did win, the prize: two tickets to africa or some exotic place where he can find his next costume inspiration whooo.

most expensive halloween ever!

2008-10-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

i wanted to wear my army cap today and realized that it was gone. vamoosh. disappeared. i swear i did not lose it in a club but i dunno where the hell it is anymore!!!! ARGHHH.

army cap
one of the pictures of its last known wearabouts.
one of the few which is not a trucker cap.
a gift from justin when he came back from shanghai.
Missing in action. Details: Unknown
Hearts meter-- :((((

maybe it has run away from home. pls come home to meeeeee... i promise to clean u every week and keep you away from cigarette smoke and rain and keep you in a nice box instead of crammed at the back of the closet.

on an even more depressing note, i think i am going to fail this sem.

2008-10-26T05:18:00.000-07:00

coke rules

pepsi sux

2008-10-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

my semi surprise pre birthday dinner. which everyone was late for. I was the latest but hey, tts my prerogative for the night. everyone was coming up with some rather creative excuses trying to draw me away from the table as they prepare the cards and cake after dinner. So i gave them a hard time of course, by refusing to budge haha...

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the before midnight album on fb has been forced to be made private :(

i love love love the cake

giving my speech

i had to cut the cake for everyone. ME! with a plastic knife for a cake with a cookie bottom no less! im the most hardworking birthday girl

grey goose martini courtesy of scott. tastes like shit. i only drank it cause i saw them order on SATC HAHA..

getting drunk here

in the end after 2 flamings and someee yagerbombs, i got smashed. my wonderful friends took some incriminating videos of me
- acting cute (im absolutely disgusted w myself)
- swearing
- "im not gg to apologize to you, you, you or YOU!"
- on the cab beside ours "eugeneeeeee! i swear the girl is getting a b*j*!"
and we ended the glorious night w some heart to heart talk over beer on the porch of a friend's house.

and now the best present of the night from someone who obviously doesn't know me too well.

"grace is an enigma. I can't figure her out. she's like a closed book, a mystery. how does a girl like that stay single for so long"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA...

and then the official day with familyturnedcelebritynight
a buffet spread at mercure roxy but i din get to eat much anyway cause i had to entertain my relatives. and i couldn't stay at my table because *ahem* my frens also were busy writing my card last min too :)

again, thank you all so much for coming. this wld be incomplete without the beanies

minus sophie who has fallen sick

the crazy brother.

*
some believe that there exists a perfect form of you, out there or inside. like an immaculate soul, an ideal you. so a meaningful life would consist of achieving as close to that form as possible from our flawed beings, like sculptures chiseling away at some rough wood. to be that little bit kinder everyday, or more patient, forgiving or achieve that little bit more. at 21 years and 2 days old, i can make a list of the things i have done and an even longer list of the things i have not done. in fact, i dun really think i have accomplished a single thing at all! which honestly is one of my greatest fear in life- to nv achieve the best form or live the best life that i could be. (supposing that this is not already the best that i can be, in which case, pls kill me)

so while there's no famouspeopleunder30nomination or honorsdegree in the making, not even a freaking driver's license yet, i feel more comfortable with myself now at 21 and the issues i used to have no longer exist, mostly. comfortable in a sense that i still want things but not because i m using the things to define i/me but because i know i/me want those things. so ya.

on a side note, did i mention how much i hate being a year-end baby. come 2009, everyone will just start saying im 22 when i have only been 21 for 2 months. argh

2008-10-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

ouch

we assign levels of trust to different friends. depending on the various factors such as chemistry and character, we gradually widen our window of trust over increased interaction. i know that those were rash words, but words that hit home at where it hurts most. i know the speaker probably didn't mean it, or are first impulses the most accurate? now the only thought in mind is regret for letting my guard down, the words resonating over and over like a satanic soundtrack.

what are friends for if you cannot be weak in front of them.

2008-10-12T03:08:00.000-07:00

dinner was on the balcony ledge eating tuna sandwich and onigiri from ntuc, watching the sunset. sixpence none the richer playing softly from the laptop. perfectt.

*

lazy english!

"you want tgt" means "you want to go together"?!

2008-10-07T05:32:00.001-07:00

Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

celine, before sunrise

2008-10-04T00:08:00.000-07:00

12am. working hard in the office

1am. reached zouk and proceeded to witness some drama

3am. tipsy after white wine, beer and irish car bombs

4am. walked out in the rain to get a cab for a very drunk cherie.

4.20am. got a cab

4.21am. crazy a**hole appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me by my elbow, trying to yank me out of the cab

4.23am. war of vulgarities. note: continued yanking from above

4.24am. a**hole gf got into the front seat

4.25am. got yanked out successfully and pushed to the floor

4.27am. went back to hotel and tearfully called another fren to come out of zouk to fetch cherie back

4.30am. witness puking

4.35am. more puking

5.30am. sent cherie home in the west

6.30am. arrive at the east

8.30am. on the way to sentosa! :D

6pm. left sentosa burnt, peeling and a reminder of my complete ineptness in volleyball and bridge.

and everyone take a deep breath and say "aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

2008-09-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

loving irish car bomb..i like it so much better than jager bombs. guinness with a shot of baileys. dun let the guinness fool you. it tastes just like chocolate milk!!! :D

2008-09-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

randomness preceded by a beer buzz chivas buzz zouk hotdog upsized with extra onion and mustard mee sua and tauhuay at geylang moon gazing by the road stalking old foes and chunks and chunks of double yolked mooncake

I just wanted to post this picture up haha. love the festivity of it. i feel like a tourist!
how did you spend your mooncake festival? :D

*

if you are broke, you should find a job. it is really universal logic that bills do not pay by themselves and money do not fall from the sky. the solution to poverty, for lack of a better word other than 'broke-ness', isn't to not spend but to move that lazy ass. it is an illusion that you are not spending because in actual fact, you are living off your parents. sure, you are thinking through your options and taking things at your own pace, but you forget that unlike others, you do not have the luxury to do that. i find it loathsome that you do not even bother to contribute to the family expenses when you know that you guys are in pretty bad shape; and a total joke that you are sleeping all day, quite literally. at your age, the least you can do is to support yourself which will already lessen the burden of your parents. what's to stop you from taking a part time job while "thinking through your options"? even the cutting of your hp line and not having even enough cash to take a bus isn't motivation enough for you! it irks me to see you criticize people's money management skills when you have no money to manage to begin with. or criticize the industry's falling standards when it's all talk and no action to make a difference or prove that you can do better. oh and don't even think about buying presents and flowers for people. your extravagance is an elaborate lie to yourself about your financial capabilities. like an enormous pacifier, it makes no one feel good but yourself.

I could be wrong. I may not know the whole truth. maybe you have a secret stash of gold underneath your pillow, who knows? but so far, i am sick of you talking like I am obligated to you. why do i not want to go out with you ? because even talking on the phone would already be like scraping the bottom of the rice barrel! (on a side note, don't you feel no shame using other ppl's line) I do not want to be responsible for your financial demise. yet at the end of the day, all this is out of true concern for you because it is really none of my business whether you are broke or not. every other week, you update me on this whole new level of broke-ness you have reached. eventually any anxiousness for you will turn into irritation that you are not doing a damn thing about it. and don't give me the ihavelowselfesteem crap, even ppl with no self esteem need to make a living. can't help you if you don't help yourself dude. my words are harsh, but you wanted my undivided attention?
here it is.

2008-09-13T06:22:00.001-07:00

duffy's mercy on replay..

this is one of those moments when i am so bored that i am tempted to ask out ppl whom i dun usually want to see. but experience has taught me that bad company is definitely much worse than no company. so i must resist!

2008-09-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

we shld be grateful for the moments in life when we forget all our troubles and feel loved. because while things can possibly get better, it sure hell can be a whole lot worse. laws of regression. so now...

i am grateful for sushi tei. and for the lazy person who decided to eat fish without cooking them. without him, we will not have sashimi. eating wld be a much lesser experience.

and my sister

and frozen strawberries :)

and i am thankful for sharon for keeping the boss busy. nw i actually have a social life :D this is his surprise birthday party at HotPot Culture in Marina square. highly recommended! 20 bucks for steamboat buffet with a wide selection of cooked food (love the squids) and CHOCOLATE FONDUE.

originally we wanted to have a steamboat at the office, but cleaning will be a hassle and getting the boss to come down after office hours is near impossible. we contemplated the excuse of "the computer just exploded, come down now!" but i think that wld just give him a heart attack, considering his weak constitution. so i am grateful for HotPot Culture too haha.

and because we dun want the hassle of cutting and distributing. 6 cakes from pan pacific! caramel, cheese, earl grey, green tea and raspberry chocolate. i want something like tt too. am thinking high tea at Goodwood Park Hotel for my bday where we will eat nothing but cakes and puddings, drink nothing but english tea and champange. how lovely is that.

BEANIES OUTING AT SENTOSA!! :)))
there was ponning of school, unintentionally of course
work was skipped
bikinis galore
just like old times

and grateful that kx's weather forecast was inaccurate. 80% precipitaton? bah!

it felt like we were away on a beach holiday. a little surreal getaway. nothing mattered more than to get the perfect tan and where dinner would be. i got to know my frens a little better and i hope i gave them something in return too. an unfettered moment, clear and broad like the sky. thank you.

then i headed down to mos with my frens. where i got bored cause we reached there at like wat, 3am?!?! den i spotted this really tall guy gyrating wih everything and everyone. it's really hard not to stare cause he is just too prominent, thanks to his height. he must be at least 1.9m tall. so i decided to take a picture with him.

take 1, see tts him in the white singlet

take 2

take 3, argh his face keeps getting blocked

take 4, den with a stroke a luck, we bumped into him in the smoking room. i am a good stalker man!

take 5, a successful shot. damn he's not cute.
i decided to just ask him for a picture. turns out, we have a common fren. six degrees of separation ppl!

so i am grateful for vern or bern, the 1.9m interior designer/part time dancer (that explains) guy and the poor anonymous girl above for providing me my entertainment for the night. i don't mean to make fun of u guys but i was truly bored out of my wits. hope u had fun toooo

2008-08-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

my sunday was spent 5 bus stops too far away from home, lethargic and feeling sufficiently inadequate enough to die but not enough to cry. today is let'sdemoralizegrace day.

so let me focus on saturday instead. I had a shoot on mount sophia which is at Selegie and discovered this lovely bistro called Bistro Gaga.

standing in the old buildings of St Margaret, this part of the bistro is actually the old science lab!

and you get free flow of wine at $30 per head!

and you are served the crispiest toasted bread the moment ur seated. This was the moment my heart got wholly and truly stolen. who cares if the food sucked.

okay to be honest, the food was lackluster, due mainly in part, i think, to my huge anticipation build up by the ambience, drinks and music. desserts were more than a pass though and everything's reasonably priced :)))) lastly what serves as a plus point, for me, is that no one really goes there. cause it is about as inaccessible as dempsey. gotta go before the crowd sets in.

Seeeee the entire weekend should comprise of this. my entire life shld consist of just this. im so freaking tired and lost.

whiny bitch gotta read rawls nw

2008-08-18T00:39:00.000-07:00

wat happens when u leave cream of mushroom campbell soup over night in the fridge.

over many.. many nights.

yep it develops a layer of velvety white frost and sprouts real mushroom and all its related fungi cousins!

As charles says: it's been there for so long, i think it's radioactive.

well so long charles, i guess he wun be missing all e radioactive food i leave in his fridge when we move office. whooo

2008-08-10T04:55:00.000-07:00

i am a earring killer. one side of my star earring went missing in the vast Zouk- Velvet carpet one night and the clasp of this giant gold hoop ones (bought at the same time as the star ones) tragically broke during an embrace with an old fren.

i can feel all the rest of my accessories shudder in fear. you can almost hear their whispered prayers of hope as their fellow frens get taken out each night, not knowing if they can return in one piece, if at all.

anyway i tried to make up for my loss :) at tzarist

really kudos to pei to have maintained her work and passion for so long. this world needs more pretty things to share.

2008-08-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

i love you more than yesterday, not as much as tomorrow

oh and AT LONG LAST i gymed today! keep it up grace :D

2008-08-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

there was a conversation in The Devil Wears Prada between Anne Hathaway and Nigel the bald right hand man of Meryl Streep. it went something like Nigel asking Hathaway about her grumpiness and she said

"my personal life is falling apart" and he replied
"That's what happens when you start doing well at work. Let me know when your entire life goes up in smoke, then it's time for a promotion."

and my pt is, that is so true! in all my socializing and catching up with frens this mth, i have lost all motivation to work. in the past, when i had no life, work engulfed my every fiber of being. sure my laziness was still there, but i wasn't THIS lazy and disinterested. i am doomed to nv achieve my dream of being an all rounder

paul van dyke

beanies night out :)))

and school's starting again

DAMN IT

2008-07-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

Monkey D.Luffy says:

i've got a common face la. cannot look pretty

I say:

noooo

I say:

i dun see many johns everywhere

Monkey D.Luffy says:

oh. coz he too common le, u dont take notice

a little private commemoration for the only two ppl in the know.

2008-07-22T09:35:00.001-07:00

shucks i din gym in the end. GRACE u weakminded piece of potato skin

anyway i just wanna say tt im really psyched abt gg out tmr. i dunno why. been thinking abt it the whole day and contemplating what to wear. even considering buying some new heels! butterflies n centipedes in my stomach, just like how it felt like when i used to sneak out of my hse. when out, each incoming call was a potential you-are-busted alarm from home and i was on my toes all the time. i used to call the first 1.5 hour the red zone, after the red zone, all's clear and the likelihood of being caught is lowered to 20- 30% hahaa.. each successful night out was relished down to the v last minute!

my parents have kinda given up on my curfew which is good but clubbing now has less of that excitement/stomach churning/iamgoingtogetgroundedanytime feeling. i don't miss it but the return of the butterflies n centipedes today is just so OLD SCHOOL, so nostalgic.. like 'hey old frens, welcome back'. guess my stomach can handle e hurling inside out feeling once in a blue moon :D

anywayyy.. at the risk of sounding more bimbotic than ever before, i plan to wear this tassel dress frm m)phosis! coupleycoupleB bought it for me awhile back as a iamsorryihavebeenalousyfriend gift and i haven't had the chance to wear it. e tassels will shake like a hula dress when i move. love itt.

oh and the dark knight is totally AWESOME. love christian bale and the joker. jst read the gossip news that christian bale just got arrested for assault on his mum and sis in london. damn hope it's nt true. u noe how gossip columns are.

2008-07-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

i wanna go for a massage.. and i think i shall start gyming tmr. nothing is gg to stop me! New motto in life- just do it!

2008-07-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

zouk w my gfs in a long long time :)

joyce, xue and a v drunk racheloooii

looking super happy here ppls

so looking forward to next week! jacq babeyyy it's your bday :D ill get my shots ready for you

speaking of bday. guess wat i ate after i returned home

remains of mum's bday cake.. banana chocolate from intercontinental! as intoxicating as any alcohol mmhmmm...

2008-07-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

does anyone know how to do a sawarak dance???

2008-07-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

stayed home on wednesday in the end

somewhere during module preference exercise and fretting over which instant noodles to eat, a fren had a sudden sharing of inner thoughts session with me over the phone last night. quite unexpectedly since all the inner thoughts i have been hearing these days are those of coupleycoupleB.

i was quite surprised that i did not reciprocate his confidence with my own sharing as i would usually do but instead listened, period. in reality i was a dam at the brink of bursting. ever since coupleycoupleB became.. well coupleycoupleB, i felt tt i have lost a friend and more. others have felt the same way and have channeled their disappointment to desertion, in an extreme attempt to revive the person we once knew.

for now i can only say that sometimes it's not good enough to have yourself heard. who's listening actually matters, alot.

anywayyyy for the debut of my shining star :D

when buying it

i: will it become silver after awhile?

shopkeeper: nope, but it will discolour

i: ?! so won't it discolour and become silver?

shopkeeper: i don't think so, anyway this is not real gold so it is originally silver.

i still bought it in the end. cause.. well i am a sucker for pretty things and what the heck, i will keep in a ziplock bag so it will not DISCOLOUR so easily

2008-07-09T03:06:00.000-07:00

more of the colour accent

my pink air con

brewerkks

the coupley couple before they decide to draaagggg us to cafe del mar at 11pm

i have said this once before! sentosa's hot, the seat's uncomfortable and u get sand in ur shoes the moment u set foot in the place. wat's to like.. AND the drinks are expensive. never gg back there again.. again. three of us had invisible paint on that night, nv wanna do tt again. another self advice i plan on sticking to.

so am invited to join the coupley couple at zouk tonight, mumbo 9th anniversary. with no one else available along with coupleycoupleB who has quit drinking (surprisingly long enough for me to say 'for good') and coupleycoupleA who nv drinks, cuddlingcuddle whisperingwhisper in the corner of the bar, den leaving after 2 hours.. how desperate is one to get out on a wednesday night? we will find out in.. 4 hours time.

2008-07-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.

If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,

Get back on your feet and think of me.

My love will get you home

2008-06-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

this is what you do when ppl ur out w are gluuuueeed to their phones.

i discovered a new camera function. colour accent!

brought my camera to a club for the first time. and didn't lose it. feel pretty damn confident abt myself now haha.

anyway everyone shld try cold instant noodles. yesterday night i returned home and gobbled up instant noodles that were cooked in the morning. a little like cold soba. it actually tastes quite nice. and no its nt the martell. have u ever eaten food tt tastes bad tt it tastes good? like lousy chicken rice. i love lousy chicken rice haha.. the tasteless rice bits that you have to chew individually and dry chicken breast. hearts man.

2008-06-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

and there was the gentle rustling of the curtains against my ear.
afternoon rays warming my cheeks. i listened to his gentle breathing amidst the rhythm of the fan. my fingers running through the short tufts of hair. i looked in the mirror and saw a ghost of the past. like a scene reenacted in a nostalgia movie
the silence soaking up the unsung music
sky blue curtains tied up in a tussle of knots
playful shadows running across the wall
girl watches boy sleep in a bed of snow white sheets

sepia all sepia. only the faces are colored. the lead actors have changed.

a limbo with a scent of heaven and an earthy finishing. this is our stopover. ur another attempt at validation and my first step at well, not caring anymore.

so i sat, with thoughtless mind. admiring with an alien eye at a scene once so dear. i got up and fixed myself something to eat. five minutes later, his phone rang. i looked back and saw grace in the room cry.

*

2008-06-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

Some pictures that i took in the studio while fooling ard at work with my prettaayyyy mickey mouse dress! dun u just love it. haha

i wore it to mos and mickey mouse was dancing with me ;D

2008-06-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

love love loveeee haji lane. 2hrs and i am 200bucks down!!

2008-06-08T01:20:00.000-07:00

today i awoke to happiness and i din even realize it until i was walking out of my house. well not happiness per se, but that little skip in ur steps and wind in ur hair. u noe u cld stay in this moment forever. contentment perhaps? content that you have everything u need and anything extra is a super bonus. diet? screw that HAHA

to me emotions take a life of their own. when i am down, i find it impossible to fathom what it's like to be happy, vice versa. How is it possible that one can jump from one end of the emotional spectrum to another so quickly and not remember what the former felt like. we only remember that we were in the state of happiness/depression but we cannot revive that uncontrollable up turn lips or strings of tears that wet the pillows in the dead of night. those moments fleet away like ripples that disappear in a still lagoon. albeit, strangely sadness disappear more slowly den its diametrically opp partner. they are more like waves then ripples sometimes.

and how is it possible that these powerful forces called feelings can takeover a singular being, me and transform me into something entirely different. so one moment i am happy grace and den angry grace or irritated grace. I feel like totally different persons when i am only just one. we all have our hyde and jekyll amongst many hidden others.

okay that was my messy strand of thought. one cannot think straight when one is trying to grasp on to sands of happiness. I shall now attempt to document this state of mind down. hopefully when i am down, this may serve as my ruby red shoes and bring me back home...

4 June
St James! Happy High on super strong whisky. ate macgriddles which sucks and had 2 hashbrown to make up for it. made eugene's friend drink alot by winning 5-10 many timess

5 June
bought super comfy black 3 quarter pants that with faint dotted green and pink stripes. i call them my Aladdin pants :D
Mahjong.. 1 hse win 3 hse (christina, rachel and John) unfortunately john constitutes most of the losings and he is too broke to pay me back. but still :))))

6 June
Dinner w jac.. ate risotto for the first time from cedele.. very niceeee, i wanna go back and try the mushroom one next time.

7 June
Happy high at MOS.. moetttt w cherie and toking rubbish w ppl.
wore my aladdin pants and wore makeup for e 1st time in a long long time. prettyyy

8 June
woke up in the morning and knew exactly what to wear
NO HANGOVER :D
macaroni soup w chicken, courtesy of mum who knew i went drinking last night cause she woke up at 5.30am and saw us sitting on the road waiting for cars to run over us haha
sprayed dkny perfume, i loooooovveeeee
rejected money offered from mum
working in office now, feeling super productive, a gd balance of play n work is er good
feeling residual high = lack of vocab
walking and bobbing my head in NTUC and bought big ass delifrance choc chip cookie. as big as my face!!
cut my toenails and smelt my feet, v fresh!
listening to mika nakashima cd, ethereal voice makes bus ride seem like im back in japan
eating calbee seaweed chips and feeling the sting in my ulcer and still smiling :)
excited knowing tt im gg to eat sushi tei later

now what wld be a real bonus, cherry on top of my sundae for the day is tau hui and you tiao for supper. geylang anyone?

2008-05-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

tonight i mourn the loss of 3 beloved caps who were there for me through the toughest times. sheltering my face from the blistering sun and concealing my skin during tough&rough&dry&oiy&pimply days. special mentions to dark periods of bad hair (yeah we all remember that) and unplucked bushy brows. you guys are the best friend a (lazy) girl can ever have.

rose girl
a gift from jeremiah when he went to tokyo in 2006. apparently an expensive jap street brand which i nv saw during my own trip there. very good checkered design suede material but rarely worn cause ppl think the name is very 'lian' hence the very outdated picture.
left behind in cab after drunken stupor
Hearts meter-- :((((

FUAK (or FOAK?)
purchased in Korea 2007. convinced that Korean designers don't know how to spell Fuck. Loovee the glittery black front which doesn't come off no matter how ppl attempt to scratch it
Missing in Action. Details: Unknown
Hearts meter-- :((

Button Cap
gift from Jeremiah when he went to KL 2007. also known as furry cap cause the grey is made of thick erm furry material. Only started wearing more often recently. fantastic shape and matches easily with all my clothes
Missing in action after a memory lapse from zouk to my bed
Details: Unknown
Hearts meter-- :(((((

gotta stop wearing caps to club
you will be missed

my dreams are bleeding into my waking moments
tomorrow i will see a pink elephant
and touch it and feel it and pray your words have not crossed over too

2008-05-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

im baaaacckkkk in singapore!

no time to post pictures yet. Also i shall separate my happy posts from my grumpyunhappycomplain-ish posts, like now.

yesterday i had the worst paper of my uni life. AND it's a philo paper, now im ashamed to say tt im a philo major haa.. you sux grace

the mod is called Hume&Kant. so by inference, we study david HUME and Immanuel KANT and are supposed to be tested on both of them.

i started studying late and began with hume. only when there was really little time left did i realize that kant is the toughass. i mean this guy is really tedious in his transcendental shit amongst other bigger shit he talks about.

so i thought nvm, at least i have one dude nailed down. tts like half the battle won right. NOT

the paper consists of 5 short ans qns and 2-choose-1 essays qns
BOTH essays were on kant and only 2 short ans qns were on hume, each only consisting of 2 and 3 marks respectively.

imagine my horror.

i finished my paper really quickly but didn't dare to leave cause everyone was still writing furiously away! is there so much to write for one essay qn!? i guess u do if u did study. i m beyond screwed ppl.

on the bright side, my last paper's today yay. another disastrous end to a sem. it just keeps getting betterr

2008-04-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

"oh alright just a peek"

an early 21st bday present! (and v timely i might add, just in time for japan!) wat better way to show my appreciation, surprise and luurrrve than a montage of unprecedented narcissism and painstakenly taken product shots :))

2008-04-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

just 5 mins ago i was frustrated and slamming on the keyboard before quitting firefox completely.

then i decided to read this letter from CPF Board, thinking that i probably got fined for not paying my taxes or something. on hindsight, if i did get fined, it'd be frm the inland revenue and nt CPF. SEEE rage makes you not think straight.

anywayy, the letter says: "...introduced a comprehensive GST offset package... for 2007 to 2010... also announced... SO NOT COMPREHENSIVE AT ALL until--- I am pleased to inform you that you are eligible to receive a total of $XXX in 2008 as shown below."

omg free money peoples! :D

or rather, im gonna get back a part of my contribution to the singapore economy since the GST increase last year! either way this is good news cause now i wun be so broke once i return from japan. i feel so grown up WAHAHA and after this i will receive GST credits and Senior Citizens' Bonus in subsequent years without having to register again. now i noe i can grow old in peace with a few measly government bucks and not have to sleep on the streets while selling tissue paper. riight

sooooooo i quickly re-read the letter before gg back online to register. after signing in with my ic number (another grown up thing hehe) i was presented with a trick question--

Do you know i actually clicked on the first option without a thought at first sight????? I am so gg to cite this example in my philo paper that humans are all inherently kind. Within split second on making my option, i unleashed an internal roar and corrected myself to the more sane and humanly selfish choice.

i noe, i suck. i felt bad immediately and thought of all the less fortunate ppl in singapore :( trust the government to put me in a moral dilemma. i swear the layout makes you psychologically more inclined to click the first option. check out the alluring red heart. count on someone dizzied with joy of receiving money to be seduced unwittingly into doing something regrettable. not that charity is regrettable but but...

1) they did not specify which charity. i much rather donate to old people than animals. can't make a decision without sufficient information dudee

2) if they did specify later, what if there is no 'go back/rewind/back to square one' button if i did not like the organization?

3) well i will be broke when i return, that makes grace-in-may less fortunate than grace-in-april right?

4) i donated last month! frm the company to an orphanage and church (jeremiah's idea) tt's a whole lot of money less earned yo.

THERE i feel less guilty now. please let me sleep in peace tonight.

2008-04-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

Long week at work jam packed with preparation for shoot and event coverage at the Asia Mining Congress. needless to say, the latter was boooooring. bunch of old men sitting around congratulating themselves how well they have done last year, how much better they will do this year and which other country now is the new big sucker for iron/copper.

Hints of heightened environmental awareness threatening the trade was raised but this was quickly brushed aside cause many developing countries still maintain or has increasing needs for these minerals. environmental concerns are for the rich and comfy, who cares about global warming when your people are living out of cardboards and eating garbage.

my pictures are so grainy :( time to buy a digicam. but cannot make it in time for japan!

OHH met our music copyright guy two days ago to talk about our music rights. he was telling us that this guy just got fined like S5700 for putting up music on his blog. (you know like when you enter a blog sometimes and it starts playing music, usually unstoppable, very irritating, hmm mayb they deserved to be fined HAH) it is ppl like him that look out for blogs like this. in fact 5K is considered light, the fine wld usually go up to 10K!

So please do not put music up on your blog. i mean the dude doesn't like surf blogs 24/7 for a living, if only there is a job like tt. but during his spare time one day, he'd just type in a blog address and make sure that the place is not infringing some music rights.

2008-04-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

if you are a 'the journey is more important than the end' person, then you would beat yourself up over a little blogging and meaningless phone conversations in the midst of a race to reach a 1500word mark..

but i like to think of myself as a goal oriented person so like the proverbial little turtle, i shall crawl my way slow and steadily to the finishing line. plus points for honesty in admitting that it may be 3am before i may see the end of this!

zouk last night was a failed mission to get high. nevertheless i had fun. the night started badly actually when i was abandoned all alone at the bar for half an hour! den as i was leaving i met eugene. THANK GOD. after that it was gooooood all the way.

As we all ply one another with drinks, i am comforted to meet an old friend. I know I would have gone home grumpy otherwise and i hate that.

when i m angry, i am actually angry and disappointed with myself. these rage they have no where to go.

2008-04-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

whooo i managed to break the news of my japan trip to my mum a few days ago while having dinner with jac.

cause all my funds have been transferred out to buy the plane tickets first, I am broke till my pay comes in. so i have no choice to ask dear mummy for some money first HAHA..

so no choice, i have to tell her the truth. or how am i to account for such sudden insane broke-ness. to think i was planning to drop her casual verbal note three days before leaving :D

2008-03-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

super full these days! just had steamboat/bbq buffet for dinner at sunset street. economical and (quite) good.. less than $20 per head only

the best part is.. sashimi's included in the buffet which is kinda weird cause do they actually expect us to bbq the salmon or throw it into the hotpot like my fishball. but im not complaining heh..

oh but the downside, and also the reason we concluded why they had a bad review despite having pretty good food, is ALL NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA OF THERESA TENG'S MUSIC (both jap and chinese ones)

trust me, listening to rounds of tian mi mi and the likes makes the brain goes wonky. mayb tts hw they get ppl to leave quickly. no wonder most of the customers sat outside.

finally caught up with clarence after a void of one year. france is such a far far place to be :( yep and mayb jazz is the answer to everything, so far it is not working for me. please come back and have dinner w me.

2008-03-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

i wanna be in a daazzeee. a happy daze!

im gg japan next mth! a few days before my exams whoooo! so my aim now is to study hard before i fly offff..

oh yes and be sure to catch sony style every tues 8.30 on axn.. our very first broadcasted in sg magazine showww..